PASSION OF OBSESSION …

I am a waiter at a local restaurant and came to this city 2 years back. Every morning after i get up and spend few minutes thinking of the direction where my life is flowing while brushing my teeth, after that, i leave for a ruminative walk at a mean speed of fast and slow. But, i guess my walking depends on the thoughts in foreground of my brain and the interlaces. After walking almost a kilometer there used to be a bungalow of more than 50 acres, sprawling gardens, clean foot path and so many other distinguishing and delighting features. the city i live receives dominant rains, it rains for more than half of the day and sometimes the complete day, this panorama of those eternal drops goes on for the entire year. When it rained, the house looked even more beautiful. Those drops of eternity wet those designer bricks covering the house, giving it an presence very similar to houses showcased in fairy tales and more intriguingly in peoples imagination. leaves and flowers used to be dripped in rain and those roads that led to the entry of house used to look more black. the mountains on the backdrop of house had sky falling over it, which indeed added those extra stars to this human made marvel. I used to stop by this house and look at it for hours, those were the moments of the day when i used to remain in complete conscious, my eyes used to capture each and every detail with complete forth right. my obsession began from this house. this was the first time i was falling in love or more glaringly, falling in the hole of obsession which has no threshold.

One day, along with my co workers i went to the house for serving at a party held there. The scenes were breath taking, never in my life i have seen so much richness and luxury. Those ladies and gentleman were drinking wines whose cost can beat my yearly salary by a huge margin. Beneath, all the superficial smiles i passed to people serving expensive dishes, my brain was working hazardously. my obsession was reaching to the point where i begin to hate myself and my stringent life. then to further multiply my emotion of obsession, i saw a man dressed in white. He had french beard and wore fancy glasses. His pattern of walking, talking, greeting and interacting was so catchy and intimidating that it made him immediately distinct in crowd. I asked my co workers about him and the reply was obvious and also stood correct on my expectations. He was the owner of that house, he inherited that wealth and their business ranged among many genres but most importantly, they owned many middle and high class hotels. yes ! also the one in which i worked. the party ended in evening, by the time we left, it also started raining heavily wetting everything i wore along with my obsession of the house and the people in it.

That night i couldn’t sleep, obsession was touching its peaks. the thoughts of why i cant be lucky enough to live those perils which that rich man lived, why cant i sit on those sprawling and delighting sofas, why cant i roam around in some of most expensive cars with those girls with big eyes. i cursed god that when he gave all of us everything equivocally then why was there partition in our birth. why are some born to rich and some rust with poor?

why can he do it and not me?

because he was rich!

further i also thought how he had such a huge social life, while i am just lying here with few co workers who don’t care about me anyway. To my rescue was my imagination, i started imagining my self in his place and then i could get rid of some amount of obsession. i started thing how i was lavishly lying around in that house. i imagined my self going around places of the world which i only saw in movies and heard from people fascination. i also imagined how i am having huge social life and also that personality which made me distinct. further in night, i imagined romantic moments with the love of my life.

in my dreams, my life was perfect.

this continued for days, whenever i had obsession of him reaching at peaks i used to stop it and instead start imagining. sometimes i use to laugh alone thinking of how lavish my life is but, then there used to be an interruption from around and i used to come back to the normal state. this used to be the most painful part of imagining- the coming back to reality.

i guess it wasn’t just obsession, it was a amalgam of jealousy and the feeling of deprived which have resulted from my deep contemplation of the life of rich.

months passed, but still my obsession had no limit. each and every moment my anxiety to know more about the rich grew strong and more strong. i inquired from thousand people about him, and they all have stories about him. some said he is a cheat, who cheated his wife for another women and when his wife was enlightened about this she proposed separation. the property rules say equivocal division among the alive people, which was not acceptable to him. the case went on for months and after few more days, it ended. the case ended because, his wife dis-speared.they all tried to find her- police, agents and so many others but, none could. he never married again.

Today, when i got up i reminisced the dream of last night. it was about a women who was so obsessed with her love that she desired every possible attention of his. her lovers breath became her muse and she crossed the limits of obsession. her thoughts and imaginations reached a level where her life started shaping according to them. her fear of death came true but, who died the woman or man ? i could never figure out. i laughed, because i knew this all was due to my strong obsession with the guy, which was resulting in such lost and craving dreams.

the day passed calmly, it was cloudy but didn’t rain. my fight of obsession and imagination continued but, i sensed a change today. i had a feeling of relieves at times and that was when i imagined death of that guy. i used his death in my imagination to give me immense peace but, no freedom.

it was now the dead of night and i was returning back. From my side passed a car at speed too high, the rich was driving it, those thousand obsession and emotions lit up again. later i see, the car crashed on a tree and his hands were outside the car window asking for help. i reached there immediately as fast as i can and looked inside. i see that his forehead was bleeding and there was a huge cut. he could have died if not hospitalized immediately. but, something happened to me and i stood there emotionless seeing him die step by step. his white dress up had spills of red and his adorable personality was flowing with those streams of blood, i felt like something stopped me from helping me, my body became so still. may be, i tried to make a move towards him but, it was impossible to take a step. my brain went numb, i couldn’t help him and he died. as he died,i felt like i came back to this world again. i felt everything alive again, that chill of night and the blowing wind. i realized the situation and started running as fast as i can towards my home. a woman flashed her car lights behind me and offered me to drop home. i immediately sat inside, she never asked me why was i running? and i never told her. her number plate had only a love symbol- a heart. nothing else ! . the night was horrific but, i observed that i felt free of all thoughts. his death came as freedom to me. the woman driving was young and beautiful, she didn’t talk anything just smiled seductively.

when i was getting down she kissed on my forehead, and left with a smile in which i could see emotions of thank fullness and seduction, success and secret .

i don’t remember anything else from that night. i slept.  next day when the news spread in the city i was witnessing. i asked my co workers about his wife. they said they will show her images to me when we go the rich mans house for funeral eve.

today, after the funeral, we cleaned his house. my coworker took me upstairs and showed me her images, i was shocked she was same lady that dropped me to my house some nights back. he also said that she was psychologically disturbed basically so obsessed about her husband that she rarely took her eye out of him. she desired him for every birth and in every soul. her disappearance still is a mystery and i figured out that the stories of rich man troubled by her was true.

 

moments became quiet for sometime, i was shocked and numb.

few questions which thrill me everyday arose in my mind.

was i supposed to save the man?

did the lady kill the man?

is his wife alive?

was i possessed with this lady ?

why was i possessed ?

was the dream i had a night before his death was the women’s actual reality ?

did she knew i would save him that night, is that the reason she posses d  me to stop me from saving him ?

was this all just a coincidence ?

what is my part in this case ?

i never found that car with love symbol number plate. never ! never ever !

and to answer the last question. police questioned me thrice about the murder because they knew that i passed from that road that night. since, it was only way to my house and i was the only worker returning that day, that time.

Today i am in a location a lot away from that city because the police is still chasing me. i was convicted in the case for killing him and the only way to save my self is to bring evidence of the woman who i don’t think exist.

 

 

 

 

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